Bang the Doldrums
by FrankandJoe3
Summary: They always knew he had issues, but they never thought he'd take it that far.
1. Chapter 1

**Song is Bang the Doldrums by Fall out Boy.**

_**I can't commit to a thing; be it a heart or a hospital. **_

"D-Dick?" Bruce's eyes swelled and his heart jumped to his throat at the sight before him.

His whole world laid on his king sized bed with the dark green comforter which he had requested two Christmas's ago, looking dead. His light blue eyes were closed ever so gently and his pale pink lips were just barely open wide enough to show off the deep bite indentions that scarred them. His skin was a deathly pallor, not a drop of color to his skin. The underneaths of his eyes were rubbed raw from a tear too many. It wasn't all of that that caused the panic though.

Dick's left arm hung over the side of the bed, blood pouring viciously from three cuts that seemed to form the letters _G, A _and _Y_. The deep scarlet trailed down the white skin, innocently dripping from his curled fingers to the hardwood beneath them, joining the small puddle of blood that had already started to form. Dick's right hand was in a weak fist, a small piece of paper folded into a square within the fine prison.

Bruce noticed the paper of course, but he noticed the blood more, so he was quick to dash down the hall and call 9-1-1. Alfred, who had heard the commotion, on instinct went upstairs to check on Masters Dick and Bruce. He heard Bruce's worried voice, but he figured that since the commotion had come from the newest addition's room that he might as well check there first. The second he caught sight of his near grandson's body, a shaky gasp rose from his throat and his grand-parental instincts kicked in. He dashed to Dick's side, grabbing the non-bloody wrist and waiting for a pulse. It took a little while, but his own heart skipped a relieved beat when a faint pulse sounded.

Alfred removed his hand from the pale wrist and set it to his heart, worried tears glazing his eyes. His eyes darted over the rest of Dick's body, examining every painful detail. What really caused a metaphorical crack to shoot across his fast paced heart was the word scrawled across the little ebony's arm, but he couldn't just take a washcloth and wash away the scars like he could with the blood. When he noticed the paper trapped within its fleshy prison, his curiosity peaked and he gingerly helped it escape. He had just began to unfold it when Bruce came back into the room, the fear clear on his face.

"We have to… there has to be a way we can… we can't just let him…" he sounded hysteric as he set his hands weakly to his head.

"Master Bruce, you've helped him with bullet wounds before. You know what to do," Alfred tried to get him to straighten his head and righten his mind.

Bruce hesitated for a moment as he seemed to remember that before his regular expression settled back over his features. He knew that of all the things to do, panic had to be the worst out of all of the options. So he set to stabilizing his near son until the paramedics arrived. Alfred discreetly pocketed the note, making a mental reminder to show it to Bruce later.

XxXxX

Alfred watched the ambulance drive away, Dick and Bruce safely settled inside of it, on the way to Gotham's closest hospital. He knew there was no need to wave, so he didn't. Instead, he went back into the manor, closing the door behind him before pulling the note from his pocket. He unfolded it carefully, amazed at how wonderful Dick's handwriting was.

_Bruce is going to be furious at me for this… I think I'll make him some dinner and bring it up to the hospital with the note… I had better make him something he likes then… I should run up to the store later. I hope that the chicken is on sale again… _he thought to himself.

He was surprised to see that he was afraid to read it. What if it was a suicide note? What if Dick had intended for himself to die there? He stopped thinking there. Of course Dick had intended to die. Why else would he have taken a sharp object to his arm and carved himself? Of course this was a suicide note. Of course my cat hates me. It was all too obvious. He swallowed his pride though and read it.

"_**To whoever found my body- **_

_**I'm sorry you had to see me like that. I have nothing to live for; therefore, I shall live for nothing. My big brother abandoned us when I was 5 and my parents were murdered. If that isn't bad enough, I've practically been babysat for four years while I wait patiently for my parents to get home. They'll never come home though. They moved to somewhere bright and sunny while I'm stuck here without them, getting a new injury every other day by those who want to kill me. **_

_**And to make it worse, I'm in love with my best friend. He's a guy. Today, I was inspired to tell him. **__**He doesn't feel the same**__**. So I didn't just lose my family, but I've also lost my best friend. What does that leave me with? Broken memories and a stupid mask. I can't ever go back to being a hero. So, goodbye world. You were nice for at least 9 years of my life.**_

_**Love, **_

_**Richard John Grayson"**_

Alfred blinked slowly, his hands shaking lightly. He wiped under his eyes and refolded the note.

"M… maybe Bruce shouldn't see this," he decided, his voice soft.

He ran a weak hand over his hair. He didn't know what to do anymore. He couldn't bring back Dick's mom and dad. He couldn't make Dick's best friend love him. He couldn't stop the injuries. What could he do?

_He didn't say that his brother died… I could always try to track him down… _Alfred thought to himself. **[1]**

With a weak sigh, he headed up the stairs to clean the blood from the floor.

**[1] Thus, 'You Didn't Know..?' was born! *Duh, duh, DUHHHH!* **

**No, I'm not in a bad mood. No break ups, no deaths, no losses… I just couldn't think of any other story to fit with the lyrics. So, I'm perfectly fine. I was just in one of those moods. AND NO, this is **_**not**_** anti KF/Rob. I LOVE that couple! I just needed some reason for Dick to want to off himself. Anyway, love ya'll and such. Thanks for reading. **

**-FrankandJoe3**


	2. Chapter 2

**Song is **_**still **_**Bang the Doldrums by Fall Out Boy. **

_**Best friends, ex friends 'til the end. Better off as lovers and not the other way around. **_

For the first time in his life, Wally wasn't excited at the thought of being able to see Robin again. Before, he had anxiously awaited the return of his little ebony, but now he dreaded even the thought of facing the domino mask again. He didn't think he would ever be able to look at Robin the same way again. Every time he would, he'd hear the same conversation.

"_Hey W-Wally… c-can I tell you something?"_

_Wally looked up, surprised at the voice. When he noticed Robin, a smile flew to his lips. _

"_Of course!" he gestured for the ebony to come sit by him on the couch. _

_Robin did as suggested, but he seemed on edge. _

"_Something wrong?" Wally asked worriedly. _

_Robin didn't answer. "P-Promise me that what I'm about t-to tell you won't change a-anything between u-us…"_

_The fear in his voice caught Wally off guard. What was up? The ebony's hands were balled into tight fists on his thighs and his mask's direction was directed towards his Converse. _

"_I… I can't promise that, but I'll try. What's wrong?"_

_Robin took a deep breath, biting his bottom lip for a second. Then he turned to Wally. _

"_I… I like you," he said slowly, studying the ginger's expression. _

_Wally grinned. "Well duh- bros for life!"_

_His grin faded when he saw how scared Robin looked. When he finally understood what the masked hero meant, his eyes widened and the confusion faded to horror. _

"_W-W… What?" he coughed, fighting to find his voice. _

_Robin bit his lip, his eyebrows disappearing beneath the edges of the mask. His head turned and he went to looking at his converse again. _

"_I… l-like you…" he repeated, his voice a shy whisper. _

"_O-Oh my G… you… you're…" Wally backed up to the opposite end of the couch, afraid to take his eyes off of the ebony. _

_Robin bit harder into his bottom lip. He brought his hands up out of fists and used them to cradle his head. He said nothing. _

"_You're… gay… f-for…" Wally lost his voice, shaking in a combination of disgust and horror. _

"_You," Robin finished, his voice shaking in tune with Wally's body. "But forget it… I just had to… g-get it off my chest…" _

_His voice was softer than a whisper now, but Wally heard every word. _

"_Dude… we slept in the same bed! Oh my- agh!" Wally leapt up off of the couch, backing up towards the wall. _

_He didn't notice how hard Robin was shaking. He was drowning in a mass of confusion. All of those sleepovers, all of those missions, all of the glances, the little signs of affection, all of those jokes… they were all… Just the thought made him want to lock himself in a room, listening to Conway Twitty until he ended up gouging his own eyes out to not hear it. _

"_F-Forget it," Robin said a bit more forcefully, struggling to keep his voice calm. _

_Wally set his hands to his temples, entwining his fingers with his red hair, tugging lightly. _

"_Y-You… d-dude… if you… like… me… that means… you're going to Hell!" Wally cried without thinking. _

_Half of him expected to get a bat bomb to the face, but Robin just kept shaking lightly, cradling his head in his hands. _

"_I-I d-don't believe in H-Hell," Robin muttered, but Wally didn't hear. _

_Wally just kept backing up until he felt the edge of the living room digging into his plaid jacket. Now the horror on his face was faded to disgust. _

"_I can't believe it…" Wally clutched his stomach, the world around him beginning to spin and shake like the contents of a snow globe as its container is shook by a three year old on a sugar high. "You monster! You're disgusting! We're two guys! You _can't _like me!"_

"_Forget-…!" Robin went to scream it, but his voice cut out into a shaky gasp that could easily be identified as a sob. _

_His gentle shakes morphed into full body sobs, but he forced himself to be quiet, so all Wally saw was a tear every few seconds or so and the quivering frame on the couch. He still wanted to comfort the ebony, but it wouldn't be the same. Instead, he just ran from the room, abandoning the heartbroken hero. _

Wally didn't really believe half of what he had said though. It was probably just his surprise talking for him. He didn't think Robin was a monster. He could never think that. He didn't believe the ebony would rot in some supposed land of fire, because all heroes had to go to some supposed land of sunshine and clouds and white robes and such. He was just raised knowing that his God despised the gays, and he had just accepted it. He also figured if there really was a God, then it'd be him that went to Hell for breaking his once best friend's heart. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to go back in time and comfort his side kick, but he couldn't do that. He wanted to apologize today, but he was still scared to see Robin. But then, Black Canary crossed in front of the team to start the briefing.

"Isn't that Batman's job?" Artemis asked, trying to sound polite about it.

Black Canary didn't straight on reply. "Batman isn't here now, so I'm to take over his duties."

She went to begin the briefing again, but something kept nagging in the back of Wally's mind that he just had to ask.

"Where's Robin?" he blurted out.

Everyone turned to Black Canary eagerly for an answer. She turned her eyes to the floor before setting a hand to the back of her neck.

"I uh… Robin won't be joining us for the next few missions," she said, her tone deflated and hesitant.

"Is he okay?" Megan asked, cutting the silence.

"What happened to him?" Artemis soon followed up.

"How many is 'a few'? 2? 10? 300?" Wally asked, his voice lined with regret and filled with anger.

Black Canary's eyes darted to the ceiling, thinking her words over carefully.

"Batman has forbade us from saying anything," she finally said.

"Forbade? What right does he have to 'forbade' us from knowing if Robin is okay? Robin is my best f…" he let his voice fall, but he shook it off. "Robin is one of us! He'd want us to know!"

Black Canary rolled her eyes.

"Robin is Batman's sidekick, and if he doesn't want you knowing, you won't know," she heavily hinted for him to get off the subject.

"Robin is not a sidekick," Kaldur spoke up solemnly. "He is a hero, just like the rest of us."

Black Canary's eyes narrowed in irritance.

"Hero or not, this is all you're going to hear! Robin won't be here for a few missions, same with Batman! Now, can I prep you for the mission?"

Wally returned the look before sitting down on the floor and pulling his cell phone from his pocket. He began to dial a number he knew by heart.

"What _now_?" she asked, clearly fed up with the freckled face.

"_Screw you_," he replied in a perfect Cartmen impersonation, "I'm finding out where my birdie is."

Black Canary raised her eyebrows in surprise, making a mental note to kick his ass later. She watched curiously though, as did the rest of the team.

"Yeah, hey. It's me, Wally… uh huh, yeah, that's why I called. How'd you know?" Wally listened for a minute, frowning in impatience. "Come on Alfred! Of course I want to know! Yes, I'm sure! Please!"

He pouted lightly, sighing from impatience.

"Well yes- we did fight but… I wanted to apologize! Is he there?"

Wally froze. His emerald eyes tripled in size and his face drained of all color. His lips parted.

"H… hospital? Is… he's okay, right?"

That caused a mumble to rise amongst the small crowd. **[1]** Wally listened intently, his horror intensified every second before he eventually nodded weakly, as if Alfred could see him, and he shut the phone softly. All eyes flew to him expectantly.

"Is he okay?"

"What happened?"

"Why is he in the hospital?"

Wally didn't answer though. He just repocketed his phone and stood up weakly, his eyes still wide and his skin still an even paler white. Black Canary's annoyance faded to light sympathy. Wally wasn't told the full story of course. All he knew was that Robin was in the hospital because he had unsuccessfully tried to kill himself. Knowing that made Wally want to curl up into so tight of a ball that he'd fade into millions of atoms until he was gone completely, mostly because he_ knew _that it was his fault.

"I…" he wiped hard at his eyes. "I have to run into Gotham…"

"What?" Artemis cried, her eyes flying to Black Canary. "Why does he get to skip out on the mission?"

The blonde woman watched the broken ginger bolt from the room, his blur a bit faster than usual, before replying.

"Flash's orders… sort of…" she half lied.

The Flash had predicted that his nephew, once he heard of Robin's condition, would dash to Gotham without asking permission, so Black Canary let him go to save the fight.

"And don't worry. I'll make him clean the garage or something when he gets back."

Artemis wasn't completely satisfied, but she shut up at least, and that was the aim.

**[1] OXYMORON. HAHAHAHHAAA! **

**Sorry, my give a damn's busted, but let me get a big "Hell Yeah" from the redneck girls like me, 'cause you're a fool hearted man. So, I'm giving up on love because love's given up on me. I'm about to show you just how bad missing me feels. You **_**broke my heart **_**and **_**ripped my world apart. **_**Didn't you know how much I loved you? Take a look at her… do you like what you see, or do you wish it was me? So let me thank you for your time, and try not waste any more of mine, and get out of here **_**fast**_**. **

**I'll either update a story of choice or write a story dedicated solely to the person who can name all eight songs in the above paragraph. Hint: all are country songs, sang by women. (I don't think anyone can). **

**And to TWWOO, I'm so sorry if this chapter is… offensive? Mean? I wanted to carve my eyes out for typing it, but I need my vision and I had to make a good freak out… I'm so sorry! AGH! **_**I'm **_**a monster! I'm not worthy! *sob* Please don't make me listen to hours of Conway Twitty! Please! **

**-FrankandJoe3 **


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